i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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