I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
