Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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