Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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