$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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