just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
