Can i not drive my cunt home
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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