They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
