New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
