I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
