She is in my trunk
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
