i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
