I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
