with your own penis?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
