Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
