Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
