We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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