i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
