My nipple is on Facebook.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
