If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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