i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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