We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
