My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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