the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
