you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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