Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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