I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I AM VODKA MAN
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
