He is an equal opportunity slut.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
