$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
