Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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