Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
