the new term for farting is butt boxing.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
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