Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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