butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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