my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
