so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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