Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
