I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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