So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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