Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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