You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
