I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
