girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
