So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
