Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
