I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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