'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
