I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
