Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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