Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
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I need you to use more vowels.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
